If you didn’t cut last night, I’m proud of you.
If you didn’t purge last night, I’m proud of you.
If you ate something last night, I’m proud of you.
If you calmed yourself down during an anxiety attack, I’m proud of you.
If you didn’t let the bullies get to you, I’m proud of you.
If you stayed alive for another night, I’m proud of you.
I know nobody reads this but it’s good to vent anyway. It seems like everyone knows when I’m happy and they’re on a mission to make it so I’m afraid of being happy, well mission accomplished. As I said before it’s been a year so I was a bit happy about getting better and doing better than I was last year. Then as soon as I show a bit of happiness everyone jumps at me yelling at me for this and that, and shit that’s not even my fault. Every single time I’m happy someone yells at me or puts me down. I’ve accepted that its better to just stay depressed as opposed to being happy and getting yelled at.
*sigh* its been a full year since I last attempted suicide, I’m happy to say I’ve made some progress in the past year, with the help of my boyfriend(? it’s complicated). I still don’t have much of a sense of self worth or very much self esteem, but he seems to for some reason and that’s been enough for me to hold onto, it has been a rough year but I’ve survived it, and I haven’t self harmed since January. Its been a wild ride and I hope I can survive another year and get even better.